I feel like I have cried so much I have no more tears! The reality is I haven't cried at all... that is the depressing part. The well is dry! I just want a way to let all of these feelings out...crying sounds like bliss... as soon as I started I stopped....I am so sad I won't be able to be at the birth of my newest family member this April...As I stood at the sink imagining what it would be like to be there or to not...I felt tears run down my cheeks....followed by the thought ...Oh I should do some amazing thing to raise the money to go so that I can take my family again in the summer time....followed by if I survive this agony and torture til then....I am not dying...I just feel dead and feel so overwhelmed by physical symptoms that I just shut out the tears and shove down the thoughts....ughhh this is nonsensical...blah